New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
