I think I won the penis lottery.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
