guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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