I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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