i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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