First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
