I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
