Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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