allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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