There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
