Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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