also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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