NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
