Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
