if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
