bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
