He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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