I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize