Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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