1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
