Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
