Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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