just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
