I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's never too late to be topless.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize