Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
