508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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