Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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