I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
