Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
