I wish they made helmets for livers.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
