Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
