She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
