Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
