Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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