ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
