You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
