so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
