I will die if light touches me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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