don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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