Having a random hookup so left but love u
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
