I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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