Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
