Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
