somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize