My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize