I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
