A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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