At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
