a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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