It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
