I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
