i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
