I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
