How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Randomize