Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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