low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
