..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
