when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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