Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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