I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I didn't notice because vodka
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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