i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
