You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
