Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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