2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
