i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I lost the right to judge tonight
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
