It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize