I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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