I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
