just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
